Random Neural Firings

Christmas PSA

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 03:03:18 GMT

I won't be here for Christmas, but several friends will. Those friends will be relying on tips through the season, so when you go out, remember to tip appropriately before discount.

So if you're out and there's a three-figure tab at the end of the evening, don't scour your pockets for a tip. They're a HUGE part of why your evening went so well, so reward them appropriately (God knows I've been out on nights both horrific and beatific, and I let them know which and why).

I love you all and know you know how to tip, please educate your friends. Merry Christmas/Happy Yule/etc to everyone!

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 00:31:20 GMT

I heard on the radio today that when Obama didn’t show up at an event in Norway, they used a cardboard cutout of him instead. This is an awesome idea! Can we replace the real one for the cardboard cutout?

Unlike the Congressional "debate" with health care and climate change, I'll actually weigh the advantages and disadvantages:

ADVANTAGES OF CARDBOARD-CUTOUT-OBAMA:
* Would not keep spending money we don't have.
* Would not bow to foreign leaders (if weighted down against wind).
* Does just as much as real Obama to earn a Nobel Peace Prize.
* Does not have terrorist friends.
* Just as charismatic and inspirational as real Obama.
* Doesn’t talk about self all the time.
* As concerned about the economy as real Obama.
* As much practical experience as real Obama (bonus points if it was a box before becoming Obama).
* Not a socialist.
* No desire to be on TV everyday.

DISADVANTAGES OF CARDBOARD-CUTOUT-OBAMA:
* Can’t read from teleprompter.
* Would actually take even longer than real Obama on important decisions like troops for Afghanistan.
* Possible controversy being born outside the country due to “Made in China” label.

Looks like it’s worth considering.

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:53:44 GMT

Q: What do Tiger Woods and a baby seal have in common?

A: They both get clubbed by Scandinavians.

Random Thoughts

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 04:05:36 GMT

America needs to find a better way to determine whether someone is an inexperienced imbecile than letting him be president for a year.

I’m so glad college football doesn’t have playoffs. All sports champions should be decided by polling and computers. Why even have a championship game? Wouldn’t a super extra deluxe poll solve things even better?

Why are chickens coming home to roost a bad thing? Shouldn’t we be like, “Yay! The chickens are coming home! And they’re roosting!”

I’m as excited to see Avatar as I was for Waterworld.

Hippies are for punching, not for getting foreign policy advice from.

Obama got his job through nothing but speeches. Maybe his speech can get us jobs.

So how much more do we have to advance in race relations before America can elect its first competent black president?

I bet God is real pleased with Himself that He can know both the position and momentum of a particle.

While everybody is away for Copenhagen, let’s change the locks.

Pearl Harbor started the policy that if you attack America, we destroy you and one other country of our choosing.

Why does Congress need federal money for abortion? Can’t they just start a “Stop the Babies!” charity? “Right now there are babies waiting to be born and ruin people’s lives. We can stop that. With your help.” See, you can voluntarily spend you money on others. It’s called charity. I’m not sure who came up with it.

To show their solidarity, the Copenhagen attendees should all wear pointy hats with the words “the science is settled” on them.

Once again to summarize my reaction to the BCS: Gah!

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 04:03:52 GMT

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) claimed that in eight years, he couldn't remember President Bush ever being portrayed with a Hitler mustache.

His point, I guess, was that it's completely wrong for Tea Partiers to compare Obama to Hitler.

My point is that if you're not smart enough to have been paying attention or, failing that, put the words "Bush" and "Hitler" into a Google image search, you probably shouldn't be considered qualified to vote on national issues. Or anything else, for that matter.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 06:31:42 GMT

Snow!! :-D

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:13:14 GMT

Back from San Diego, with a fresh stash of carne asada burritos. I really need to learn the finer points of keeping aquariums/terrariums. Our tank is actually doing fine, fish-wise, although we do have some characters (one of our sharks likes to spend his time swimming upstream into the filter).

We are running into trouble, though. We used to have three fiddler crabs, but two have died in the past week. One fell into a crack of a rock waterfall I made and couldn't climb out (this one spent most of her time hiding anyway, so I didn't suspect anything) and the other died while we were down in SD (cause unknown, but the other male is a crab-of-interest). I have built a semi-aquarium for them in a 10-gal tank: half of it is water with some rocks and driftwood (all cleaned) and the other half is a sand beach so they can burrow if they like. I don't have any earthly clue why they like to die, so if anyone has experience with fiddler crabs, I'd appreciate suggestions. Also, I'm going to be studying how to build and keep a salt-water tank while I'm on det (corals, lionfish, clownfish, and anenomes) so if anyone knows good books on that subject, I'm all ears too. Thanks!

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:11:11 GMT

Ha ha!

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:05:39 GMT

Posted on FB by one of my last crewmembers:

Not that I don't worry about their well being, but reading about the American hikers in Iran pisses me off. Seriously, if you are compelled to take a pleasure hike through the mountains of IRAQ, do a little research about the asshole neighbors to the east. And maybe figure out where the hell their border is before skipping past it. It's like playing Red Rover with Satan.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:36:28 GMT

Thunderous applause.

The comments are awesome: "The Emperor is both smarter and better looking but the Representatives are just as foolish and feckless"

Closed! :-D

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:15:11 GMT

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 04:42:15 GMT

Yeah, I know, long time, no post. I'm fairly certain I'm suffering from clinical boredom. I should, by all rights, be a total spazcase. I'm working on my Mission Commander qualification, I'm about to close on a house, and I have no idea how I'm going to juggle the holidays. I also have the world's most dependent cat...she must be in direct physical contact with either me or The Female at all times and is very vocal when she isn't. But I digress.

None of my usual hobbies entertain me anymore. WoW? Meh. Aion? Big disappointment. CoH? Rejoined only to find no one plays it anymore. 40k? Haven't made the time, but maybe I should. Exercise? Reading? Studying for the GMAT and/or MCAT? Foreign language? Rant about whatever it is Olberdouche still talks about (I've assumed everyone's figured out he's an imbecile and pays no more attention to him than they would O'Reilly) Blah. I swear, if there were a DSM-IV criteria for boredom, I'd be patient zero. (yes, I'm mixing terminology. Sue me.) Nothing is holding my interest for more than a few nanoseconds at a time. Actually, I take that back. I've started watching Fringe lately and kinda like it. I usually despise network tv, but I like this one. I'm also hoping that Stargate: Universe doesn't suck, but I'm not holding much hope. Especially since I've been waiting for two years for Stargate: Worlds (the MMO) to be released. To date, they've got a "closed beta" (code, i'm sure, for "We're on track for a simultaneous release with Duke Nukem Forever") and a few screenshots featured in SGU. Bah.

Think I'll go bury myself in the Home Depot books I have and try to learn how to extend a deck. Ooh, power auger drills...

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 01:14:36 GMT

Me: *looking over mortgage paperwork* Did you specify flood insurance with the homeowner's policy?

Wife: Yep. I got flood and earthquake insurance.

Me: Cool beans. What about volcano?

Wife: ...volcano.

Me: Uh-huh! You've heard of Baker, Rainier...you never know when they're going up.

Wife: No. No, I did not get volcano insurance.

Me: Sigh. I hope we don't regret this. When we're fleeing the ash and poisonous gases, wearing respirators and a little mask for the cat, you'll wish you'd listened to me.

Wife: *rolling eyes* Ok, fine. When we're fleeing with our respirators, you can say "I told you so."

Me: Fine. What about ghosts? Did the seller give us a ghost disclosure statement?

Wife: What? No!

Me: Oh come on! Do you really want to be surprised by visits from the denizens of the underworld *after* we've closed? I wonder if they have zombie insurance...

Wife: ...what is wrong with you?

An hour later, I found this.

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:57:23 GMT

Passing this on was one of my friend's idea of a joke. Consider that your warning.

Am I the only one who thinks Fred is the most normal person in that?

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:59:25 GMT

"The problems of our economy have occurred not as an outgrowth of laissez-faire, unbridled competition. They have occurred under the guidance of federal agencies, and under the umbrella of federal regulations." - Ted Kennedy.

RIP, Senator.

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:02:58 GMT

Don't be fooled by the "green" cleaner, smell the ammonia!

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:14:05 GMT

I thought that this was a nifty riposte to the just-as-ridiculous thread making the email rounds.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by a local electrical co-op. I then took a shower in the clean and chemical-free water provided by the well right on the property. After that I avoided turning on the TV which is basically an indoctrination system for government-worship, and instead went outside to grab some pesticide-free/regulation-free foods. I had already been told what the weather was thanks to the local farmer's co-op weather station down the road. I had my breakfast of just-gathered eggs that have never been under FDA jurisdiction, along with the locally-grown ham. There were no drugs or pesticides in either. I had a little hormone-free raw milk which wasn't homogenized and ruined according to FDA specs. I set off on an imported dirt bike that didn't have to pass any ADOT inspections since it came in as an off-road vehicle and I modified it with road equipment. At the gas station I had to use government-mandated and increasingly worthless federal reserve notes. As usual, today my FRNs bought less than yesterday. I took an envelope for a contract transaction to my local private FedEx station, mostly using roads that are maintained locally and many privately. If I'd had an emergency I'd have been helped by the private/volunteer fire district.

I had time for only one more non-government meal before I had to return to the blandness of government-mandated homogenization and eating pesticides and hormones here in the city. I took a federal highway which is allowed for in the Constitution, and once again traded some paper for some fuel, hoping that my paper would still be worth something tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll spend the day at work and won't be maimed or killed thanks only to the people I work with, our insurance carrier, and our private security people. I know my office and home won't burn down because of the UL, a private company, and my goods will be there because my neighbors and I are armed and unafraid to defend ourselves. I log into the internet which was conceived by a combination of universities and Constitutionally-allowed defense resources, then expanded and made useful to us by private companies after the government abandoned its development.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:56:01 GMT

iTunes Genius needs work. I have Assemblage 23, Laibach, The Polyphonic Spree, and Il Travatore in my shopping cart. How is The Cheetah Girls 2 soundtrack "recommended based on the items in the cart"??

Mount Baker

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:08:27 GMT

Mosquito Death Star

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:52:41 GMT

This is just dipped in liquid awesome. It will save millions of people in a totally awesome way: Killing mosquitoes with a heat-seeking laser. Apparently the device will fry them mid-flight by the millions using leftover technology from SDI.

This is a textbook example of why you don’t mess with humans: Other animals may just swat at mosquitoes; we make an automated laser cannon.

Cut and Paste!

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 14:36:24 GMT

Okay, I get it, the iPhone is the most sophisticated cool tech toy available. But what I can't figure out is why people are getting so excited over the new patch that might include cut-and-paste! Oooh, shiny new 80's tricks! Will it also interface with the Commodore 64? Can I do Apple Logo on it?

Besides, if I want a device that does everything so I don't have to carry as much around, it also needs to be able to shoot dumb people.

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:30:42 GMT

It will be of little avail to the people, that the laws are made by men of their own choice, if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot be read, or so incoherent that they cannot be understood; if they be repealed or revised before they are promulgated, or undergo such incessant changes that no man, who knows what the law is to-day, can guess what it will be to-morrow. Law is defined to be a rule of action; but how can that be a rule, which is little known, and less fixed?

--James Madison, Federalist 62

What's Your Personality Type?

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 21:12:14 GMT

You Are An ESTJ

The Guardian

You're a natural leader and a quick, logical decision maker.
Goals are important in your life, and you take many steps to achieve them.
You enjoy interacting with others, mostly through work related activities.
Your high energy level means that you are great at getting things done!

In love, you tend to bring stability to relationships.
You feel comfortable being in charge, and you enjoy being a provider.

At work, you take charge. You thrive in structured environments and don't mind enforcing the rules.
You would make a great teacher, judge, or police detective.

How you see yourself: Realistic, stable, and pragmatic

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Rigid, bound to rules, and a bad listener

What's Your Personality Type?

Chicago Tea Party?

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:03:25 GMT

Oh HELLS yeah!

lolbama

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 00:01:46 GMT